I have read and re-read so many articles, stats, personal blogs, ad nauseum regarding this topic. I believe (stating an opinion) that just as much harm can come from the standard two parent environment as it can from a single parent environment. It really depends on the type of parenting taking place. I cannot make any empirical sweeping statements, but i can provide my own experience and the experiences of others that i know. I just want to touch on some of the things that I came across because it really did hit a nerve:
1) “Single mother’s make the choice to be single and are selfish for doing so” : Well, i guess that would depend on the situation. My ex slammed my head into a wall in front of my two year old son; i chose to leave. I do not think that makes me selfish at all. I think that makes me responsible for ensuring that my child grows up in a stress free and calm home sans violence. Other women i have known have left because the husbands drank too much, cheated, were verbally and/or physically abusive. Also, one of my single father friends left his ex and took the kids because she was physically violent towards him. As a parent, your child’s welfare should be top priority, not what other people think of you with regards to your failed relationship and the like.
2) “Single mothers are a drain on the economy”: Perhaps they wouldn’t be if their partners pitched in a bit more. My ex helps out and has the child on his insurance, and for that I am grateful. But, many women do not have that kind of help. They are left relying on family members and the community for support. Further, orphans, the disabled, and the elderly drain the economy too; should we cut them off? In fact i will quote from the government 2012 census stating that very few single mothers receive the benefits that people seem to think they get – Poverty: Two fifths of single mother families are poor, triple the poverty rate for the rest of the population.12 The majority of poor children are in single mother families.13 Child poverty is
linked to school dropout; to negative adult outcomes including joblessness and ill health; and to reduced economic output estimated to be about 4% of Gross Domestic Product.14 Hardship: Two fifths of single mother families are “food insecure,”15 one seventh use food pantries,16 one fifth have no health insurance,17 one third spend more than half their income on housing.18 Three quarters of homeless families are single mother families.19 Welfare & Food Stamp Receipt: Although two fifths of all single mothers are poor, only one tenth of all single mothers receive cash welfare assistance.20 Two fifths of all single mothers receive Food Stamps.http://www.legalmomentum.org/our-work/women-and-poverty
So we are the ones draining the economy but only a tiny percentage get insurance or food assistance. What people fail to0 realize is that these women are ensuring our nation’s future, these children will grow to fight in our wars, run our governments, take care of us when we are old. Yet, society badmouths them as social pariahs, the undoing of our civilized society. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of bad mothers out there, just like there are plenty of bad fathers. But i would be willing to be that those bad mothers are just as likely to come from two parent households as they are from solitary parenting homes.
3) “Single mom’s were trying to trap a man, but it didn’t work out” ; Maybe, but unlikely. I myself never wanted children. I couldn’t stand them. I loved being selfish and spending money on me, traveling, nice restaurants, etc. I was on the pill and had been for over 15 years when i met the father of my son. Rob is a pill baby, and he is the most amazing thing in the world to me. He calls dinosaurs “double doors” and Popsicle “poppasicles”. He is everything to me.
4) “Single moms screw their kids up by parading men in front of their children.” Once again, perhaps my friends and i are the exception to the rule, but i haven’t had a night out in three years. I am at home every weekend, even when the baby is off at grandma’s, because that’s really the only time i can soak in a bath or clean the house, or catch up on laundry. Besides, I would like to think that I would be discreet, but would certainly let the potential suitor know that i am part of a package. I have read on here the “6 reasons to never date a single mother” and all i can say is, good for you. You don’t want to raise another man’s child, neither would I want to raise another woman’s child. But the article, along with many of the comments were ignorant and extremely offensive. Basically we’re whores for spreading our legs, but we would be whores for terminating a pregnancy – pretty much a female bashing site, and while i am all about freedom of speech, let me state: if you plan to come at me and call me names like “fat whore who bred a bastard” that does not win your argument that single mothers are unfit for dating, but it proves that you might be.
I am sure there are other things to add, but it’s Halloween, and I have to go take my lil’ dino trick or treating this evening with his Izzy and Uncle Ryan.
** Side Note: just a thought, but what if all this female bashing of single moms is simply a fear tactic because the one time head of the family – the patriarch, is now being replaced by a matriarch.
“As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.”